Misophonia: How to Tune out to Disgusting Sounds

Excerpt

Unlike my father, who showed an outwardly aggressive response when people made eating noises, my anger remains mostly internal, noted already. I try not to escape a room or fly into a rage. Still, I do feel distressed to the point that my trigger sounds make me feel I want to express some kind of mournful cry, and so avoidance/escape is often a reactive behaviour for me.

In public, I instinctively cover my ears to drown out sudden noises and will briefly close my eyes to “visual sounds” that make me nauseous (eye-rubbing, nose-wiping, poking ears etc.). In other situations, I will remove myself from a particular noise, such as when I’m sitting close to someone and being too tuned into their breathing – breathing sounds make me want to scream. I don’t, I imagine it. I feel no anxiety. On the contrary, I experience an agitation that is hard to define. Perhaps anguish is how I would describe it.

There are times I feel sad instead of angry when I see someone swallow or cry. If I were to analyse this, it might be that I see in some people the vulnerability related to an automatic bodily response. But this would only apply to a person whom I observe as vulnerable in some way – a baby, but not all babies; a friend, but not all friends; a family member, but not all family members and animals, dogs especially.

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